everyone feels like you

Barco's going away party tonight. weird she is really leaving for california. i'm stuck here for now, dodging the things that maybe i shouldn't and holding on to the things i most certainly know, no matter how tight of a grip, i will never be able to hold on to. well classes are alright. 18 credits is a lot, and i am feeling the work load. I get overwhelmed, and then it is okay. like anything in my life, if i learn to breahthe and take a few steps back i would act more according to reason than feeling. the initial reactionary kelsey would be replaced with a girl who's got a better hold on things, more control if you will. i would hopefully make better decisions that didn't hurt people, at least not as often. maybe i would like to learn, i mean really learn from past mistakes in the placement of priorities, the relationships i put so much into, the feelings that are only that and only temporary. move in the direction of reality. friendships for what they are or are not, and not what i would like them to be. keeping to myself and getting school work done/ letters mailed out for Uganda isn't all that bad, yes more classes is a direct cause of the more alone time, but in all honesty it isn't so bad sometimes. all together i just do not want to be stuck where i am at ever, positive change in the physical, and mental areas of my life, and loving the people who i know for a fact love me need to be top priority over "fun". sometimes when fun has become the center of my world i lose myself faster then i know. i betray myself and others in that i am not being true to my nature or my intentions. it is a constant thing isn't it?