the wolves

what consumes you becomes you. freedom from this would rule. i am more unhappy with myself than ever. externally ive got more together than i have in years. in the pit of my stomache i feel uneasy, i am never satisfied, i am all too anxious. i won't hang, i'll stay in my apartment a lot and sleep or just work out because i am not okay with myself. i am the reason i am inaccessible. i do not want to be this apathetic mess i've become. i care about getting to my goal weight, the harder i work, the more weight i lose, the less satisfied i am with myself. that seems pretty twisted right? i have done better than i expected to in school these first two semesters. I questions friendships constantly. i'd rather not waste time on people who won't be there in a few years down the road. am i filling up time? hanging just for the sake of hanging? maybe i think too far into things. i should be happy with the friendships i am confident in, people ive grown up with and just let the rest be what it will. i have to get my head on straight. i do not want this to consume me forever, but for now this is what i know, and this is what it will be.