it's hard to pull yourself up when you're down this low

that whole eternal sunshine of the spotless mind thing would be neat right now. when asked to erase you, forget about you i'm not positive how i am to go about that when you were so ingrained in my life for the last 4+ years. if nothing has changed in the last couple years, it most likely won't in the future. although i hope someday when we are both happy we can meet up, catch up, since that whole memory eraser thing doesn't exist yet. i'd like to know the things you do, what you get to experience, and who with when we are older and past all of this. i really hung onto every word, to the extreme. i held on to something that never was ya know. you said you still cared like you used to but that we were moving forward in two completely different ways with our life, and how it would never work. i don't know if that was supposed to give me closure, it more or less just messed with my head more than it should have. our attempt at being friends was a pretty wacky thing wasn't it, we were both too stubborn and couldn't see things through eyes besides our own. you know i wish you the best. i don't harbor any hate for you, i acted out of frustration more so than not. bums me out that toward the end you saw only the negative sides of me, and maybe that is all i allowed you to see. i have learned a lot about how to care/ love someone, and how not to. you've taught me a lot, i'm still learning, obviously i still have a lot to work on. i'm gonna miss good times, but we are not who we were, trying to keep something together that has changed too much on either end will ware you out and kill you in the end.