did i force your hand to move like mine

okay so recently i've had a lot of long talks about many areas of life, with a few different friends. Nothing solved anything, but got me rethinking and really questioning why i still allowed some people to be any part of my life. One of these friends told me i need to be a little more harsh with people, i need to be able to ignore and move on from someone who has abused my friendship in more ways than one. He told me that when i saw you this past weekend i needed to just walk the other way and pretend like you don't exisist, because isn't that only fair? i am not a big fan of fair, or of holding grudges. i am usualy terrible at staying angry at someone, and even now i didn't want this to be one of our big fall outs. i just want there to be no communication between you and i, i want to forget everything and just keep it in the past. because each time you let me down and chose to put me behind every other single thing in your life it just digs up those skeletons i would have liked to keep burried. you had too much control, and now when i see you i don't see through you, i see past you and i'd rather not look you in the eyes ever again. you have never made me feel like i was a worth while part of your life, let alone made me feel like you wanted me around. please, i wish you the best. instead of playing the "nobody ever sticks around" card, and guilting people into sticking around. maybe you should look into why people have found it so hard to stick around and be true to you, even your best friends, have you been true to them? i mean maybe i'm a little bitter that i allowed you to mean way more to me than i ever meant to you. maybe i am frustrated that even when i tried to express how much you mean to me you never seemed to care about that. i could have never done enough to get you to notice, or understand that i just wanted to be by your side. and i don't want this to be a selfish move, i guess it kind of is, but i don't know how to fit into your life at all.

okay that was more than i wanted to say. i did love you, i don't love who you are. if you question if i still care, ofcourse i do, and i told you i always will. but i don't know you and i don't want to know you anymore.

goodbye