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hi, i help others because i know that nobody can help me. because i want to do so many things and go so many places. every day i wake up and wish i hadn't. and it feels awful when you walk out the front door with that mindset and you see a homeless individual with a drug addiction and/or mental disorder, and you feel nothing but guilt for feeling so miserable. how can these things manifest, and stick around for so long, when i have a place to live, i have people who love me. dad i miss you, but i deserved to tell you what you put me through. i've been through some things, but i've met people who have seen far worse. i know what i have, i know what i should be able to do. if it were that simple, it would be that simple, and i would not wake up and go to bed feeling completely void of any importance or emotion, regardless of the events i have experienced that day, or have to look forward to. what a joke. i'm my own hell, seriously have always just been fighting a war against myself, i can't remember a day with a clear mind, but that would be nice. I can't save myself, how do you save yourself when you are the problem