running in place

i haven't used this in quite some time, so figured i'd pick back up on a cold rainy day. so i've moved into the new apartment. it rules for the most part. my roomates are two complete sweethearts and the place is so much bigger and more accomodating than living in White Hall, i really can't complain. we have people over a lot, seems like a constant flow of people really. don't get me wrong i love having people over, sometimes i just feel like it's all so superficial. i've been working on a lot of my character flaws, i think i've been making progress but i'm the last person who should have any say in the matter. i feel like i care less and less about what i've lost in the past. i feel weaker in a sense, just less of a desire to fight for things, friendships, love, hate. just sort of static sometimes. i don't think seeing you will be good, but part of me wants to just to know you're doing okay, and to see it in your eyes for myself. i don't know myself well, clearly because i've done a lot of things even i myself was taken back by. i want to be neggative as little as possible, and i want to love in an unselfish way. i would also love to let someone in for once and not avoid and disregard anything potentially good that comes my way.