i leave a week from today, how crazy is that? maybe only crazy to me. i planned on writing more, but now i'm just tired so i'll finish this another time.
okay what am i trying to say is i really never know what it is i am trying to say. i have a lot of ideas, i have a busy brain, so much so sometimes it seems completely inactive. so much going on that my mind is fixed on survival and that is it. most days i don't know how i end up where i end up, or doing whatever it is i end up doing. it's like i'm expecting something big to happen, something that will change things for me and how i am. awaiting the arival of something that just may never come. and that this crusade is one i must go alone forever and for always. this dissconnect between knowledge and the ability to function. i won't blame it on bad luck or misfortune, that would be suggesting i lack all cotrol. i've felt fortunate i someways recently. i've gotten close to a few people who i consider actual friends, this is the first time in a long time. in conversation with one of them and another one of her close friends i was reminded that it is important to "keep it real". a simple strategy but one we most often fail at. i think lack of sleep and copious amounts of coffee add to my racing thoughts, and blurred sense of reality. i'll settle down someday, but most likely not. anyway. i am excited. i am terrified. but let's just wait and see what's in store for me.
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